My Gay Nurse Is a Saint

So Pope JP Squared has hit the fast-track to sainthood. There are many, many people ready to attribute miracles to JP, including Cardinal Francesco Marchisano, whose vocal chords were temporarily paralyzed during a throat operation. JP lightly stroked his throat, and then, after seven months of therapy, Francesco's voice came back. This is, apparently, a miracle.

Back when I dislocated my shoulder, it was put back in place by a gay nurse wearing bright purple scrubs, who had earlier held up a syringe full of Percodan, exclaiming, "It's better in the butt." Then, after months of physical therapy, my shoulder was good as new. A miracle!

Hey, Catholicism, a modest proposal: Saint Gay Nurse, patron saint of homosexuality and painkilling narcotics, not to mention good times.