That's a Spicy Cluster Bomb!

At the most kickass Thai restaurant in New York (in Queens, of course), when a whitey like me asks for "spicy," the waiters shake their heads knowingly, and say, "For you, medium." The medium will raise your eyebrows and keep your mouth searching for water or something without heat to dull the tingle. Even our go-to dish, the Penang curry, at "mild," is right at the threshold of pleasure and pain for my taste buds, which are more used to bland Eurofood. "Mild" is not a fair description for the Penang. It's got real kick. And it's delicious.

The point is that in the hot climes, they make a hotter cuisine. In this country, count on the Cajuns, Mexicans, African-Americans, and other southern American cookers to wake your mouth up. Once you get into South and Southeast Asian cuisine, we're getting into a whole different ballgame.

Well, the Indians (of South Asia, not the indigenous Americans) are exploring new ways to use their superhot "ghost peppers." They're not just for food anymore!

The ghost chili can be 400 times hotter than our wimpy Tabasco sauce. So what better to do with the chili than weaponize it? The Indian military is going to make some fucking ghost chili hand grenades.

All you gotta do is get yourself some fresh seafood, andouille sausage, rice, okra, and other vegetables, throw them in a big pot along with a delicious seafood stock, then throw one of those ghost chili grenades into a foxhole to smoke out a terrorist, gather up some of the leftover smoke for your pot, and you've got a delicious, spicy gumbo for sustenance during interrogation.