A Good Lobbyist?

President Obama (yes, it still thrills to type those words) signed an executive order in his first week setting up some of the strictest guidelines for lobbying that the White House has seen in years. Bravo.

The past eight years have been a nightmare of corporate lobbying and lobbyists creating destructive policy. Dick Cheney's closed-door energy policy meeting with oil companies stands out as a particularly egregious example, but god knows it wasn't the only one.

And in such an atmosphere, along with shitbird lobbyists like Jack Abramoff infiltrating many levels of the government, it's no wonder that lobbyist has become a bad word. Nonprofit organizations who lobby the government no longer use the word lobby to describe what they do. They advocate. Fair enough.

During the Democratic primary, Hillary Clinton got slammed by Obama and John Edwards (remember him?) for saying that "lobbyists are people, too." With the enormous intertwining of the Clinton Machine and corporate interests, it was a pretty silly thing for her to say, and Obama and Edwards were right to nail her to the wall on it.

During my walk across the Brooklyn Bridge last evening, I was listening to Democracy Now! (naturally), and Amy Goodman was doing a little bit of exploration about the lobby rules, and a few members of the Obama administration who have gotten waivers to the rules. The guest said that they haven't explained why some get waivers while others don't. It's possible that the lobbyists working in the Obama administration are truly the best policy minds in the country. DC is full of lobbying think tanks that are completely intertwined with the government. But the Obama administration needs to be clear about the reasons for waivers.

That's all fair enough. And they mentioned a few people by name and who they lobbied for. Former lobbyist for Goldman Sachs in the Treasury Department? Defense contractor Raytheon in the Pentagon? Hell, yes, I need a lot more explanation.

Then they mentioned an appointment in the Health and Human Services Department who'd lobbied for an organization called the Tobacco-free Child or something along those lines.

Now, I don't know what the Tobacco-free Child is exactly, but let's assume it's not a George Orwell agency where up means down, war means peace, and tobacco-free means free tobacco. Let's assume that this particular appointed person actually was fighting for children to be tobacco-free. Well, that seems like a logical point of view for someone working in Health and Human Services, and I don't see why, just because he once tried to convince lawmakers that tobacco-free children are good for the future of our world, he shouldn't be able to work for HHS.

As I mention continually, I'm on a lot of email lists. Sign this petition, make this donation, go to this house party, call this legislator, etc. Many of these are advocacy groups, i.e. lobbyists. Now that a left-leaning administration is in the White House, some of these groups will find sudden friends in high places. If the administration agrees with the advocacy group on an issue, and a lobbyist is one of the world's experts, I don't have a problem with putting them in the government.

I guess all I'm really saying is that it seems like there's an enormous difference between having a meeting with a lobbyist who makes a good, coherent argument in defense of the common good, and a lobbyist for corporate interests who plies a government official with expensive meals, drinks, gifts, and donations in the hopes of amassing more profits on the backs of the downtrodden.

How come no one in the media ever mentions this important distinction?

The Secret's Out

Yesterday, NY1 did a little story about how the happiest borough is Queens.

I hope this doesn't mean all those miserable bastards in Manhattan and Brooklyn don't start moving here.

So why are we so happy? Cultural diversity, ethnic food, friendly neighbors, safety, and quality of life.

Or, as we like to say around these parts... Because it's Queens, bitches.

So That's How It'll Be in This Administration

The Chronicle of Philanthropy is taking a page out of the New York Post's playbook and tossing off suggestive headlines:

Obama reportedly taps young pastor to lead 'faith-based' efforts.

And why shouldn't Obama tap that pastor? He's a hot 26-year-old, Pentecostal thing. He speaks in tongues, baby. Rowr...

This Will Backfire

The Obama Stimulus Package passed in the House yesterday, but not one Republican voted for it, this after all of Obama's outreach and meetings and compromises and happy hours.

I got the news of its passage during an event hosted by The Nation and Air America media about the progressive movement's role in an Obama Administration. Shortly thereafter, an audience member asked Eli Pariser (executive director of MoveOn.org) if he thought that Obama put too much focus on bipartisanship with all of this outreach and meetings and compromises and happy hours.

Eli's answer was essentially this: Obama's bipartisanship was less about wooing Republican members of congress and more about wooing Republican voters in America. If he got their support, great, but he didn't really need it from a getting votes point-of-view.

Already, media pundits on the right are calling it a slap in the face to Obama or a failed attempt at bipartisanship.

But what President Obama did was demonstrate an ability to compromise with the opposition. He gave the Republican Party a chance to participate in (and even take some credit for) a massive stimulus plan. He let them be a part of something huge (and maybe not huge enough), and they chose to rebuff him.

The Republican arguments that I've heard against the stimulus package don't make any sense. (TPM is documenting them well.) It's not just that they're proposing proven-to-fail Hoover policies (don't spend money on anything and lower taxes on rich people); they don't seem to understand how anything works. One fella even said that we shouldn't invest in Amtrak because they don't turn a profit. Well, buster, that's not why you invest in Amtrak. You invest in Amtrak because it will provide jobs and improve infrastructure. Their profit is irrelevant to this economic mess.

Anyway, this will bite the Republican party in the ass. People want change. Hell, even Republican voters want change. Once they wake up to the fact that they're supporting a do-nothing party, well, they'll stop supporting them.

I think Obama should keep reaching out, keep inviting them to be a part of building something, and keep letting them rebuff him if they feel they must. It won't show that President Obama is a failure at bipartisanship. It will demonstrate the Republican Party's total irrelevance.

Another Complaint About the MTA

The Metropolitan Transit Authority has gotten my boxer-briefs in a bunch on numerous occasions.

So it's surprising to me that I'm feeling their pain a little bit these days. I still think that they need to open up their accounting books (and I mean the real ones) to the City Comptroller (who will hopefully have some time to look them over while running for mayor).

But I believe that they have a budget shortfall and that they need an influx of cash from the city and state governments to keep service and improvements up. I also believe that much of the problem is their fault but accept that they are affected by the economy like any enormous organization. I hate that they're talking about raising fares when the people who rely on the subway are the people who can't afford any other modes of transportation.

These conflicting emotions are really about as positive as I get for the MTA, which I consider an inherently corrupt bureaucracy with a very confusing private company/public service relationship to balance.

In any case, I have another complaint about the MTA that I need to air, and if they're going to raise fares again, I really hope this is something they address.

MTA, your turnstiles keep hitting my testicles, and I have to go through sideways to avoid pretty serious pain.

I've played baseball, and I own a jock strap with a cup built into it. But I shouldn't have to wear it on the subway.

Please raise (or lower) your turnstiles an inch or two. Thank you.

I Guess If It's the Only Way...

Some of you may have heard that here in the United States of America we just elected our first African-American president. His name is Barack Obama.

So once President Obama's term is up after four or eight years, will we go right back to white men? How about a woman? Maybe an Asian or Latino? How about an openly gay president? We've never had one of those.

(Obviously, we've had closeted gay presidents: James K. Polk was a particular flamer; William Howard Taft was a charter member of the Bear Club; and Andrew Jackson was overcompensating.)

What will it take? Well, if Iceland is any indication, it'll take a massive financial meltdown and full-on governmental collapse before an openly gay person will become the leader of a whole country.

From what I can understand (and let's face it: I don't really), Iceland's problems are like our problems in the United States on a healthy dose of steroids. George Mitchell worked on Major League Baseball's steroid report, and now he's the special envoy to the Middle East. And that has nothing to do with anything!

Bad Advertising on NY1 - Hillside Honda

OK, so in all fairness to Hillside Honda, I can't actually remember if this is their commercial or not, but I think it is. That I've seen the ad just about every morning for the past six months and can't remember for certain might be a problem in and of itself. Anyway...

A young man and woman (both in their 20s) stand outside Hillside Honda. They do not seem to know each other. The dude holding an umbrella kicks it off with, "Hey! What are you doin'?" with the tone of someone talking to a fucking idiot.

The chick, holding her laptop, explains that she's on HillsideHonda.com, but she's right outside the dealership, so why do that, because the dealership isn't open yet and she can't wait for great deals, and then she's gotta go, and he starts to ask her a question, and she thinks it's gonna be for her phone number, but no, he wants to check out HillsideHonda.com, and she's disappointed.

Alright, so...

The dude's holding an umbrella, so why the hell does the chick have her laptop out? It's raining, woman! Not only will it ruin your laptop, but it must be some sort of fucking electric shock risk. Also, Hillside Honda's in Jamaica, Queens, and unless the dealership has free WiFi, she's not getting a signal on that thing. Plus, neither actor can, well, act. And even if you accept her argument that she's there to pick up the free WiFi and look for great deals, why the hell is the dude at the dealership when it's not open yet? Then of course there's no earthly reason the chick would want the dude to get her number, based on his assholic tone toward her throughout. On the other hand, she would have no earthly reason to expect him to ask for her number when she's fucking stupid enough to look at her laptop in the rain without an umbrella (he's holding the umbrella, remember?).

Yeah, it's a pretty fucking stupid commercial.

The Grind II: Return of the Grind

That's right, B&E fans! It's a Brand New Grind. It's not dead, after all.

Thanks to "The Family..." (if that is indeed their name), I got word that the Grind had reopened across the street and a few doors off of Queens Boulevard. So I sent out my local spies (thanks to die Feldmaus und die Stadtmaus for recon and photos) to scope out the situation. I followed that up with a visit.

From the outside, it's a little less welcoming, in that there are no windows and just a narrow door on the street. If you didn't know it was there, you might miss it. You can't see the space from the street because you have to enter a small corridor to get to the coffee. But they've painted their name above the door and have added a lighted "open" sign.


It's now in the back of the Casa Romana, one of the local restaurants I've never been interested in trying, although I did hear odd rumors about opera singers and puppets being a central part of the dinner service. And even still I've hesitated to check it out. There are enough oddities in Sunnyside that venturing in just anywhere can be a bit traumatic (remind me to tell you about my experience at Transylvania some time).

While the previous Grind location had very high ceilings and lots of light, the New Grind is dark and cozy. As a place for writing it's actually preferable. Because it's smaller, once people realize it's here, it will be more difficult to find a comfortable place to sit on a weekend day. The ceiling can best be described as upside down meringue peaks with steel beams cutting across them, which is curious.

The music is still too loud, and when I went I forgot to bring my own. The computer stations are still there, too, taking up valuable real estate. There's a flashing, variable colored light above a small bar in the corner that actually changes color to the rhythm of the music, which is Eurotrashtacular.

It tastes like the same coffee, and it's all the same furniture. Although they weren't wireless yet, the barista said that they would have it soon, and it would be free to customers (a distinct improvement to Old Grind, which made you pay for it).

Based on the marshal's sign on the outside of the Old Grind, I'm guessing the ownership has changed hands.


The barista also seemed very much in charge of the joint. He spoke to a solicitor who came in to sell him something. He used "we" language that implied ownership, distinctly different in tone from waiters who use the first person to tell you what's on the menu as means of speaking for the whole restaurant as a team.

He also told me that a buddy of his did the sign above the front door in the middle of the night with spray paint, really hoping to avoid the cops, which is about as awesome as can be.

I'd like to see the Grind succeed, more so now if the barista's the owner, because he's pretty young and seems eager. I even heard him say that he was a teacher for a couple of years. And an older woman who hadn't served me at all thanked me for coming as I was leaving, and I couldn't help but wonder if she was the barista's mom.

It would be really nice if a neighborhood family picked up where the old coffee joint left off and made a real success out of it.

Perhaps a better name for this whole thing would be The Grind - Episode IV: A New Hope.

Heh-heh. Heh. Heh-heh-heh.

During a meeting today, while Republicans were telling President Obama that they have some issues with his economic stimulus plan, Obama replied that he'd had these debates with John McCain already, and "I won." Lefty blogs were linking to various stories repeating the "I won" story, but my favorite was the reporting on Politico.com, and I pull this section directly from the article:

“We expressed our concerns about some of the spending that’s being proposed in the House bill,” House Minority Leader John Boehner said after meeting with Obama.

“How can you spend hundreds of millions of dollars on contraceptives?” Boehner asked. “How does that stimulate the economy?”

Boehner said congressional Republicans are also concerned about the size of the package.

Oh, man. Where to start? Boehner? Contraceptives stimulating the economy? Concerned about the size of Obama's package?

This article is a joke set-up machine! Wait, scratch that. It's making the jokes for us already! Just sit back, tap into your inner 7th grader, and get to giggling, dear B&E readers!

Thanks to tidbits like this and President Obama's references to our "duty" in his inaugural address, I'm looking forward to a little pleasant tittering for a while instead of the if-I-don't-laugh-I'll-kill-myself humor of the last eight years.

Guest Post - Baldy in a Battleground - Inaugural Edition

#44!

So, this not-so-baldy-anymore just returned from our nation’s capital for the inauguration of the 44th President of the United States of America. You may have heard by now – he’s black and his middle name is Hussein!

I’ve only been to DC once before, so I can’t speak with a great deal of authority on how it normally is there, but I can say that despite the influx of an estimated 2 million people and the additional security surrounding the anointing of The One (or That One, depending on whom you ask), the city was amazingly calm. It was full of people, yes, but for the most part everyone was polite and kind. Lines were orderly, waiting was almost pleasant, and the strangers you bumped into literally and figuratively felt like old friends. Every race, age, and class was represented, and we were all giddy.

If I were being perfectly honest, though, I'd have to admit that I couldn’t help but to feel that I was in the finals for American Idol. That whole “Hollywood” thing that he was accused of during the campaign didn’t seem so ridiculous as Usher and Stevie Wonder sang to the crowd gathered on the mall, while Denzel Washington watched on. There was something upsetting about the parade of famous black Americans, not because they are not beloved, but because Obama is something very different. He’s not a Grammy or an Oscar winner or even a star athlete; he’s not here to entertain us. He’s here to lead us through one of the most difficult times in our nation’s history.

So Obama felt like another celebrity in the celebrity parade. He has no control over this, of course, so the “Hollywood” accusations are unfounded in terms of what they mean about his own personal behavior. But it brought up an interesting question about what exactly the Office of the President means to Americans anymore. Of course we want somebody qualified, but are we equally concerned with them being someone who is entertaining and interesting, and good-looking, and friends with Oprah?

I found it difficult to reconcile the dialogue about him being our first African American President and the gravity of that moment in history and what it means about our country, against the dialogue about how hot he is and what Michelle is wearing and how amazing he is, and oh my god he’s just like us, but better and hotter and blacker. Not to mention the dialogue about how the fact that he’s black is the least amazing thing about him. His story, and how dissimilar it is to the stories of our past presidents in terms of class and background, is truly amazing.

Any doubts I had about the Office of the President having perhaps lost some of the respect it deserves were dashed at the actual inauguration when Bush came out. The crowd booed, which I personally found very disappointing. He knows we hate him. Booing him in that moment seemed extremely disrespectful to the Office he’s held all this time, and therefore disrespectful to the person about to be sworn into that same Office. Ask not what Obama can do for you; ask what you can do for Obama. I think the first thing we can do as a nation is show some goddamn respect for the job he’s just taken on.

Having said all of that, it was one of the most moving and memorable experiences of my life. Being there, feeling the excitement on the Metro, in every coffee shop, on every street corner, was incredible. Walking down the mall towards Lincoln Memorial on Sunday afternoon amidst throngs of people, the crowd was so thick that the frozen ground was giving up dust. As we froze our asses off and choked on dust, I looked around and wondered what if anything else in the world could have brought such a large and diverse group of people together. The answer is nothing and I’m in awe.

I was fortunate enough to have a ticket on Inauguration Day, but I think the best part was looking back away from the capitol building at the crowd of people who didn’t have tickets. I couldn’t see beyond them. It was a sea of people, the air thick with hope and cannabis. It was kind of great. Several people in my section turned their back when Rick Warren spoke, and that was great. Everyone had tears in their eyes, and that was great. The sun was shining, and that was great.

The crowd flipped off the Bushes as they departed by helicopter. I didn’t participate, but that was kind of great, too. I don’t support the action, but I know the feeling. We all do.

Thank sweet baby Jesus in heaven that we have a new president, a new start. White, black, poor, rich, well-bred, or not. I don’t care. Just make a difference. Change. Change. Change. We want change. Yes you can, President Obama. Yes you can.

Sing It, Baby!

Earlier in the day, the Huffington Post had a headline that read, "Obama sings order to close Gitmo."

We all know President Obama can speechify better than anyone, but how's his singing voice? This vital information was left out of the report.

HuffPo changed it to "signs" later in the day. That made a lot more sense.

Sober

I've noticed a number of news outlets calling Obama's inaugural speech sober, or that the work he faces now is sober or sobering.

He's not Gerald Ford, for crying out loud. Just how drunk do they expect him to be?

Zang! ZzP-POW! Wocka-wocka-wocka!

Heathens Is Fine

Even with our constitutional division of church and state, we get a lot of God talk in these pompous, circumstantial, governmental events. If a politician didn't end a major speech with, "...and God bless the United States of America," it would probably be politically sacrilegious, or sacrepoligious, as the kids call it today.

So it wasn't surprising that Jesus got a lot of mention, particularly during the Rick Warren invocation, when he hit us with Jesus in several languages, just to make sure that even the immigrant population understood just whom he was invoking.

Our new president (who is black!) is a Christian, so I'm not going to hold it against Reverend Rick (the friendly face of hate!) for calling upon the Christ (the King of the Jews!) in front of the diverse crowd (more than million!).

But our new president (who is black!) also speaks highly of inclusion, and as he hit the part in his speech that listed off the major religious groups (Christian! Jewish! Muslim! Hindu!), it was both surprising and refreshing to hear our new president (who is black!) include "non-believers."

I prefer the term heathens, but many older non-believers aren't ready to embrace that term, sort of like how many older members of the LGBT, etc. community don't care much for embracing queer as a catch-all for a very diverse population.

The fact is we don't have a good term for the heathen crowd, something that can include atheists and agnostics, humanists and moral relativists, ethicists and the anti-religious. Although non-believers is a good try, it's very difficult to define a group by what is not; non-belief implies there are no beliefs, which just isn't the case.

Heathens is inclusive of all those groups, and hell, it can even include anyone who's deemed to be "religiously other" in the eyes of exclusive religions.

I figure that over time we'd have nothing but a nation of heathens. We are one!

Momentous

So I'm not really sure what to say about The Big Day tomorrow, a.k.a. Barack Obama's Inauguration, a.k.a. Goodbye Dubya, a.k.a. History.

Perhaps you're asking, Why the hell are you writing about it? The only answer I can think of is that I have to.

It's been eight years of unmitigated disaster, the last three-plus of which have been documented from the B&E point-of-view. So yes, I really do have to say something.

My dad's birthday was on January 20th. He'd have been 65 on this birthday, officially a senior citizen. My dad died just over five years ago, before most people had even heard of a certain Barack Obama. I think my dad would've been a real fan. He always appreciated a good speech, and as a church man himself, I think he'd have fond feelings for the inspiring aspects and pastor-like cadence of the speech-maker.

Plus, I think Dad would really like Obama's whole "disagree without being disagreeable" approach. And he would certainly like the way Obama speaks about spirituality and his faith. It disappointed my dad that Democrats always sounded so disingenuous and defensive when speaking about spirituality. And it infuriated him that the Religious Right cornered the market on Christianity in politics, when to him it couldn't be further from "Christian."

He used to tell a story about our years (well, my 11 months; his years) in Florida. It was the late sixties, and Dad decided to take bus full of teenagers from his church in Boca Raton inland a mile or so to a black church, where they picked up a few teenagers for an integrated outing to the beach. Some of the black teens had never seen the ocean before, even though they lived just a mile or two from it.

At the following meeting of the elders, one of them asked my dad if he'd had the bus cleaned and disinfected. My dad asked why, genuinely confused. The elder told him it had to be because the black kids rode on it.

What I don't actually know is the end of that story. Maybe Dad never told me. He told me he was horrified, but I don't know if the power dynamic was such that he had to do what the guy said.

In relating the story to someone recently, I'm pretty sure I said he refused to disinfect the bus, but in thinking about it further, that might be a hole I filled in myself. My dad would definitely stand up for what he believed, so it's possible he refused, but I don't really know.

It's Martin Luther King, Jr. Day and the day before a profoundly historic Inauguration Day. And I'm thinking about my dad.

Yes, I think it's fair to say that my dad would've liked his 65th birthday very much.

How Long Before Opening Day?

I don't know if it's the arctic weather or what, but something about this past week has gotten me ready for baseball season. Just like all of you B&E readers!

The Mets have found themselves in a world of hurt over the design of their inaugural season patch. It's so bad that it even made an appearance on the Colbert Report. As good as Stephen's report is, I have to say I'm somewhat partial to this presentation of the logo's runners-up.

Balancing my lack of enthusiasm for the new uniform patch (which follows the design vocabulary of the Citigroup brand - a little marketing lingo for you on B&E!) is this little Playstation3 video of the Mets new stadium (CitiField, a.k.a. Bailout Ballfield, a.k.a. Barack Obama Park). It all goes by pretty quickly (stupid hip MTV editing), but I have to say that I'm pretty excited to see a Mets game in a real baseball-appropriate stadium.

And I rather liked the industrial dump that was Shea Stadium. Now that it's being demolished, of course, it's really an industrial dump.

Speaking of Barack Obama Park, the Mets single-A independently affiliated Brooklyn Cyclones know a thing or two about their demographic. For one day, they will become the Baracklyn Cyclones and offer Barack Obama bobbleheads (although I think bobble-ears would be more appropriate), economic stimulus pricing, universal health care (i.e. free Band-Aids to the first 1,000 fans, which isn't quite "universal," but very appropriate for the state of our health care system), and more. Minor League Baseball promotions are the best.

Finally, as most of you know, the missus and I keep an eye on the goings-on in Scotland. The utter lack of baseball in Scotland is a giant "con" on my list for moving there. It turns out there's not an "utter lack" after all.

The Scotland Baseball League looks very ragtaggy, with mismatched uniforms and a website reminiscent of the site for the league I played for in Vermont, which makes me think I could possibly qualify for the national team. I wonder if they're playing with logs and stones, and I sure hope they're wearing cups under their kilts.

Now I'm just being a jerk, of course, and the truth is there's nothing I covet more than the Scotland Baseball jersey.

One More Thought About Last Night's Genius

Apparently, Almost-Out-of-Office President Bush has chosen what he would like his legacy to be:

George W. Bush was a president who made decisions, unlike all those other presidents.

History term paper, here I come!

Goodbye, Genius

So our almost-gone president is giving his final address to the nation. Here are some thoughts, as he speaks...

Here he is, getting a hand from some people who like him.

Same smug smirk as always, hopefully for one of the last times.

He's got a thankful heart, so that's nice. His right eye is a little squinty. Now he's giving thanks to some people. Oh! Including me! And my prayers!

And here comes the 9/11 talk. I'm glad he remembers this. He keeps saying, "I remember." Yeah, I remember, too, and I remember that you're a douche.

No debate about the results? Not so sure about that one, buddy boy.

Freedom is a gift from Almighty God, and we all believe it. He said so.

This is all rather smug. He's doing a good job of not sounding defensive of just how big a disaster his presidency has been, but instead of defensive, he's smug. "Man, I'm great." Or rather, he's defensive without sounding too defensive.

I agree he made tough decisions, which he said I should agree with. I just think his tough decisions were very poor ones. Almost entirely.

Threats from a broad? Which broad? How can we stop her??

When he pauses and closes his mouth, his nostrils flare a little. That must be a tell of some sort.

He sees character in some of the people he invited to the White House and one guy who couldn't make it.

"I have been blessed to represent" this country. And we've been cursed to have you.

OK, so he's done. A pretty short, bland, and smug speech.

Shields and Yarnell are back on PBS! Hello, boys, haven't seen you since the election. Yarnell (David Brooks) thinks that his superficial confidence was there immediately, but his profound confidence came over time. Mark Shields thinks that Reagan had confidence without arrogance, while Dubya has mostly just arrogance (my paraphrase, of course).

Shields and Yarnell are talking about how likable Dubya is personally, personal acts of generosity, and all that. But how much worse the country is now than when he took office is unmistakable. So people don't like him.

OK, report over. Now, if only the presidency would finally be over, too. Five days, people. Five long days...

I Am Not a Number! I Am a FREE MAN!

I never read comic books, never did any gaming, and was never obsessed with the books of J.R.R. Tolkien. So when I need to remind myself that I am deep down a total geek, I reach toward the complete collection of The Prisoner on DVD, which yes, I own.

Oh, it's geeky. And it's tasty.

The Prisoner was the brainchild of Patrick McGoohan. It was, in some ways, the surreal sequel to his previous TV series Secret Agent (called Danger Man in the UK), which was a rather straightforward spy show. The Prisoner begins with a brilliant opening sequence in which a secret agent resigns forcefully, packs for a trip, gets gassed, and wakes up in The Village. He is henceforth known only as Number 6 and goes head-to-head with a new Number 2 each week. While Number 2 tries to find out why Number 6 resigned, Number 6 is trying to figure out who Number 1 is and simultaneously attempting to escape.

And that summary is tip of the iceberg for the wackiness that ensues.

Patrick McGoohan died today. But The Prisoner is some kind of geektastic legacy. It's being remade, of course, starring Jim Cavazaliezelvaliel (the dude who played the title role - Passion - in The Passion of the Christ a few years back) and Ian McKellen (who is apparently determined to be associated with as many uber-geek brands as possible). Part of me is like, "Oh for fuck's sake, leave well enough alone." The other part of me can't wait to check it out.

Either way, I'm sad to see Patrick McGoohan go, even though he only rarely came out of retirement. The less geeky among you might remember him as Longshanks, the English king who wanted to kill off and breed out the Scots in Braveheart.

I never thought I'd drop two Mel Gibson movie names in one post. Patrick McGoohan can really surprise you that way.

Be seeing you.

Bernie Wins a Small Victory.

Bernie Sanders, Independent (Socialist-In-All-But-Name) Senator of Vermont, has been a long-time favorite here at B&E, ever since (OK, even before) he showed up at an event hosted by my nonprofit employer at the time and ate a piece of cake (pictured right!).

Almost-Outta-There-President Bush has had his portrait done for the National Portrait Gallery in Washington, DC, and it hangs with the same ineptitude and arrogance that has marked his presidency. On a sign next to the portrait, someone had written the words, "...the attacks of September 11, 2001, that led to wars in Afghanistan and Iraq."

Not as such, says Senator Bernie.

So Senator Bernie sent a letter to the curator at the National Portrait Gallery explaining that even the president has admitted that there was never a connection between Iraq and al-Qaeda, nor were there weapons of mass destruction. In no way have the events of September 11, 2001 led to the war in Iraq.

The curator has agreed to change the sign.

Critics may call it petty, but the National Portrait Gallery is one (albeit only one) institution that participates in public discourse about what will eventually be the legacy of the most disastrous president in history.

Now, obviously, the Portrait Gallery can't say that either. But it's very good of them to at least take care to get the facts straight. The partisan historians can bicker over the Bush legacy.

Speaking of which, it's almost sad to think that one of George Bush, Sr.'s biggest legacies is fathering the Worst President Ever. Poor bastard.

I'm Looking Forward, Too, Buster

So there's this debate going on about whether or not to prosecute the war crimes of the Bush Administration.

Obviously, the danger politically for the Democratic Party is that if they go after the war crimes, they look like vindictive pricks (not that looking like vindictive pricks has ever stopped the Republican Party).

Almost-President Obama, for his part, wants to "look forward" rather than back. Instead of punish the people in the government who broke the law, he seems content to simply reverse their decisions and stop performing those certain actions.

OK, so let's give this Nearly-President Obama fella the benefit of the doubt. Let's assume he won't break the law (through wiretapping, torture, and preemptive wars) at the rate that the outgoing administration has. Let's forget the bad times and keep positive moving forward.

Fine, but I'm looking forward. Let's say I look beyond an Obama Administration. At some point, we'll end up with another overreaching executive branch. And because we didn't hold a previous executive branch accountable for glaring illegalities, this future executive branch will assume that they can get away with anything. Because apparently, the president's office is above the law. I call horseshit on that, bitches.

Hell, man, I think it might be ugly, and I don't doubt that those on the right will scream that we're all vindictive pricks. But sometimes being a vindictive prick is what's necessary to do what's right.

I say we go after the crimes of the outgoing administration. I'd like to think that our government officials follow the law, too.

That goes for Jack Bauer, too.

The Grind - Rest In Peace?

I've been documenting my feelings about The Grind since it opened in March, 2006.

First I hated the name and worried that it would help overly gentrify my neighborhood.

Within months, I was concerned that there were many things they didn't do well, and that they were reaching out to God for help.

And because they didn't do so many things at all well, I feared that the Starbucks opening would put them out of business.

I finally walked into the Starbucks nine months after it opened and offered a comparison to the Grind.

And over the past year-and-a-half or so, I've made a few trips to The Grind, and I wrote about another frustrating visit last September.

What it really came down to, though, was that the Grind had settled into mediocrity. When I'd go on a weekend day to write for a while, as long as I was listening to my own music, it was fine. The coffee was rarely bad and never great, but it was good enough. Service was spotty and sometimes shitty, and some employees were friendlier than others. The sports on the TV were more about the pleasing the owner than the customers. I stopped ordering food there long ago.

One of those previous links got a much-after-the-fact comment from an anonymous reader asking if anyone knew anything about The Grind's closing. Grates were down and it looked cleaned out. Honestly, I still haven't actually wandered by myself yet, although I may do so today. But I've heard a couple of other reports since, some saying it looked closed but not closed closed. Others saying it looked closed closed.

It's possible the owner is taking a much-needed vacation. After all, the place has been running - as far as I know - without a break since it opened in early 2006. And apparently running a coffee shop is one of those things that always sounds like a good idea until you actually do it.

But I certainly can't say that I'd be surprised if the Grind has met its ultimate demise.

As for the "there goes the neighborhood" aspect of the local coffee shop... Well, Sunnyside hasn't gentrified by any sort of leaps and bounds. But there are a couple of somewhat new, nicer restaurants, and there really has been a noticeable influx of non-immigrant white people.

Here's the most telling part, though. I moved to Sunnyside because it was a great neighborhood where I could afford to live on my own. Now, of course, I live with the missus. But if for any reason the missus and I had to give up our rent-stabilized apartment, I don't think we would be able to afford to move to a new apartment in Sunnyside.

Is that the Grind's fault? Of course not. But the Grind's opening was indicative of the part of gentrification that worried me most. Perhaps now that it's closed (you know, if it's closed closed), the cost of living in Sunnyside will go back to its early aughts prices.

Suuuuuuure...

Stupidity Is the Best Birth Control?

So perhaps smarter men have more sperm.

But if idiots have got such namby-pamby sperm counts, how come so many of them knock up so many ladies all the time? And how do you explain those families with more than a dozen kids? I mean, that's really not smart. But the sperm is clearly strong and wise.

Hell, I'm gonna leave these hard questions to the smart, fertile people and revel in my tiny intellect/sperm count.

Lessons from Kansas - Cuteness Always Wins

Long-time B&E readers already know how much I love a good hedgehog story. Well, here's another.

A sixth-grader in Lawrence, Kansas, really wanted a pet hedgehog. His mom said she'd love to give him one, if only it wasn't illegal. If it weren't for that damned threat of foot and mouth disease she'd totally get him one. Totally. Oh, man, that's really too bad. Shucks, son.

So the kid got the law changed and now has a pet hedgehog. His mother is wondering what the hell happened and how it all went so wrong.

But AWWWWWWWW, wookie the wittle hedgehog! WHO'S THE WOODGIE-COODGIE-BOODGIE?!

Actually, I think maybe the design for Baby Benjamin Button was based on this little hedgehog.

What's Standing Out Right Now - 1/7/09

These are just a few fleeting thoughts I want to get down on virtual paper before they fleet and float and fleetly flee I fly...

Roland Burris
After consulting with my friend who understands Chicago and its politics better than I do, I'm convinced that Roland Burris is loving every minute of the grandstanding. Yes, he's got himself a big ego. His children are named Roland and Rolanda. Dude. Seriously. Dude.

Roland is apparently reasonably progressive on most political issues, but on the batshit crazy front, he tried to impose the death penalty on a man who was innocent. The evidence proved the man's innocence, and still Roland wanted to kill the guy. Well, now, Roland, that seems a bit extreme.

I think Roland was particularly vindictive because the man's name was Rolando, and Roland didn't appreciate the Latinization of his name.

Obama on Gaza
Barack Obama is still giving the we-only-have-one-president-at-a-time argument for his silence on Israel's invasion of Gaza.

But if we only have one president at a time, how come you're working so hard on the economy and getting that message out loud and clear? Obviously, you can't make decisions about what to do about Gaza, but you certainly could influence the conversation. In two weeks, you'll be PRESIDENT, for crying out loud. Say something. Anything.

The Meeting of the Presidents
Barack Obama met with still-President Bush and former presidents Bush-the-First, Clinton, and Carter at the White House today. Apparently, Clinton said, "I just love this rug..." Man, I love that guy.

And now I understand what John McCain was talking about when he was accusing Obama of measuring the drapes. Wonder if they match...

And that What's Standing Out Right Now!

Maybe They Need Their Balls Back

Some of you may have heard of the Securities and Exchange Commission, or the SEC as it's usually referred to in the alphabet soup of governmental organizations.

The SEC has avoided the limelight for a very long time. But then Bernard Madoff with everyone's money! AAAAAH HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Who's to blame for the Madoff nightmare? The SEC, of course. Democratic and Republican lawmakers alike are pretty pissed that the SEC let this Bernard fella pull the wool over everyone's eyes without so much of a "Hey, whatchu doin', buddy?" from the SEC.

I'm not remotely an expert on the economy or regulation, massive fraud or the SEC, but I feel pretty safe jumping to the conclusion that, during our last (nearly) three decades of deregulation and widespread evisceration of governmental oversight bureaucracies, the Securities and Exchange Commission has lost any ability to do its job to the fullest extent of its theoretical power. I'm guessing the SEC is desperately understaffed, and I'd bet too that the people in charge are ideologues who support a complete lack of regulation and oversight. Just the people you want in charge of regulation and oversight.

Don't get me wrong: the SEC really screwed the pooch here. But the economic right-wing tends to use a failure of regulation to demonstrate the need to eliminate regulation altogether. I call horseshit on you, economic right-wing.

Instead, let's give the SEC a reverse Bris. Untie the tubes. De-castrate the poor bastards.

President Obama, please give the SEC its balls back.

Bad Advertising on NY1 - Binder & Binder

I'm not going to get into the details of the poor production quality, shitty graphics, and weak voice over in the low-tech spot for law firm Binder & Binder on NY1. Those issues come with the territory in local advertising. And in some ways, it's an effective ad. It even uses a personal story to demonstrate a larger point (they win Social Security payments for their clients).

Then a lawyer called Binder comes on screen. And he's wearing a cowboy hat.

What's amazing about this is that someone made that decision. Maybe Binder likes his new hat and wanted to showcase it. Maybe Binder is losing his hair and needed to cover his plugs during the only time of year the firm had the budget to produce a TV spot. Maybe someone thought a cowboy hat would say "America." Who knows? But someone made this disastrous decision.

I'm not hiring a lawyer who wears a ten-gallon cowboy hat on a TV spot that airs on a local New York City news station. Neurons are misfiring somewhere here.

Obama on Gaza?

Anyone else out there wanting to hear from the President-elect on this one?

I know we've only got one president at a time, the economy continues to tank, the first daughters are about to start at a new school, and blah, blah, blah, blah, but um... Israel has invaded Gaza. I'd like to know what an Obama Administration might do about such a thing.

Anti-Dickhead of This Moment - Tim DeChristopher

I haven't given out an Anti-Dickhead award for quite some time, as the Dickhead/Anti-Dickhead feature has gone mostly the way of the archives here at B&E. But I still like to keep my ears and eyes open for total Dickhead moves (with Blagojevich and Madoff getting recent shout-outs), with the occasional Anti-Dickhead move thrown in (anyone out there remember my frequent expressions of love for Russell "Oh, So" Feingold?)

Anyway, over in Utah, there's been a little last-minute Bush Administration oil industry gift happening in the form of an auction hosted by the Bureau of Land Management. Who wants oil drilling rights to wilderness land? Come and get it!

But then Tim DeChristopher, a student at the University of Utah in Salt Lake City, finished his final exam and went to the protest outside the auction. Except that Tim didn't join the protesters. Instead, he walked inside and joined the bidding.

You see, because this whole thing has been put together so quickly by the Bush Administration, no one had time to do any bidder vetting. And boy, did Tim bid. By the time people figured out he was a fraud, he'd purchased more than 22,000 acres of wilderness and driven up the prices on thousands more.

Tim has brilliantly thrown the whole thing into chaos. The US Attorney is figuring out what to charge him with. Fraud? Maybe, but if he comes up with the $45,000 for the first payment, he hasn't actually committed fraud. He'll be showing that he meant to buy it.

But he's also confused the proceedings enough that the auction can't be reorganized for another month or so. Perhaps the Bureau of Land Management can have the auction then, but here's the kicker...

In a month, we'll have a new president. John Podesta, who heads up the transition team, has spoken out against the land sale. An Obama Administration may stop it altogether, if they can.

It's really amazing what this University student has done by simply raising a bidding paddle. No destruction of property, no violence, and no standing on the sidelines yelling about it. Instead he perpetrated a perfect little act of civil disobedience. And although he'd really prefer not to go to prison, he's willing to, if it comes to that.

That makes Tim DeChristopher my Anti-Dickhead of This Moment.

[Thanks to Democracy Now! for reporting on the story, even if I'm way late on it (lost in the holiday fun) and didn't hear about it until more than a week after it aired.]