Accents Have to Make Sense

I have a love/hate relationship with the TV show 24. I keep giving it another chance, and it keeps letting me down. But hey, this season's in New York! So I've gotta see what that's all about.

But let me just say a word or two about accents as a dramatic choice.

I'm sure most of you have seen Schindler's List. The Nazis speak English with a German accent; the Poles speak English with a Polish accent. I remember when the movie came out, it took me some time getting used to that. I couldn't help but wonder why all of these people were speaking English with accents. But look, I get it: I mean, Spielberg wanted to get asses in seats too. So it's not like he was going to have all of the actors speaking German or Polish. He was already asking a lot of us by making us sit through a black and white movie.

Anyway, after a while, I slipped into the overall atmosphere of the film, and the accents were all a part of it. I got over my initial hangup and went with it.

In other movies or TV shows, there are characters for whom English isn't a first language. Let's take the current season of 24, a whole two episodes in. The president of an unnamed Islamic republic speaks to the US president in his accented English. But then when the foreign president speaks to his chief of staff, in this case his brother, they still speak English. I would think it might be a lot easier and, dare I say, more realistic if they spoke in their native tongue to each other.

But okay, it's TV. And let's face it: the typical viewer of 24 is lazy and meatheaded. So I get why they have the characters speak in accented English to each other. Fine. I can go with that too.

Then there are times that accents are used dramatically and it flies in the face of any sort of logic. This use of accents by writers or producers or directors or whomever makes this choice is stupid and dishonest.

Remember Die Hard? I think Die Hard is a total blast. Alan Rickman's performance of Hans Gruber as the German baddie is just terrific. Alan speaks the entire movie in a German accent. Except for one pivotal scene in which he comes face to face with Bruce Willis's John McClane. Pretending to be someone else, Hans Gruber puts on a perfect American accent. If this guy can speak English without an accent, why on earth does he have a German accent normally? It doesn't make sense, and it's a ridiculous flaw in an otherwise totally great movie.

They pulled that shit again in the first two episodes of 24. There's a bad guy speaking with a Russian accent throughout most of the first couple of hours. Then he meets up with a friend in Queens. (Queens!) And suddenly he's speaking in an American accent (with a hint of Queens even). But when he reveals himself to his "friends" as the baddie he really is, he goes back to the Russian accent. If he can speak perfectly fine English, why the fuck wouldn't he always speak perfectly fine English? It doesn't make any fucking sense! And it's stupid.

Dear Hollywood Accents Committee,
Stop being stupid.
Love,
Dan

Don! Roger! Betts! Joan! Campbell! Peggy!

This latest absence from B&E brought to you by Mad Men, Season 3. Holy crap, B&E readers. Holy crap.

Leno in Prime Time

The late-night shows are past my bedtime, and the few times I actually find myself awake with the TV on during those late-night hours, I gravitate toward David Letterman.

But now Jay Leno is on during prime time hours. So while I was brushing my teeth last night, he came on the tube, and I watched a little.

Watching comedy while brushing one's teeth is a potentially dangerous and messy business. Unless you're watching Jay Leno. No risk of pastesplosion there. I don't think I even cracked a smile. And those of you who know me know that I'm pretty generous with the laughter.

So what am I missing? Am I just not his demographic? Can someone tell me if or why Leno is funny?

And by the way, after rather enjoying the first two episodes of "Glee," last night's sucked as hard as show choir.

It's So Obvious!

Look, Jillian, I totally know why you've chosen Ed. It's so obvious. After all, he rejected you not once but twice! And how often do you get to choose the guy who doesn't even like you.

First, you give Ed a rose, which he accepts before leaving the show for his job (i.e. "You'll always be #2, Jillian"), and second, on your overnight date, he can't even get it up (i.e. "I don't think I want you, Jillian"). If you think that's a one-night problem, you're fooling yourself, girlie.

Your chemistry with several of those dudes, even some of the total jackasses, was way hotter than it ever was with Ed.

I think the missus is really hoping that Jillian turns up at "After the Rose Ceremony" with Reid later. She's got a lot to say about Jillian's body language with Reid in comparison to her body language with Ed. I'll let the missus be the expert on that one.

But Ed repeatedly rejects Jillian, so Jillian "loves" Ed. I keep saying that Ed's gay, mostly because it really ruffles the missus' feathers. No, I don't know that Ed is gay, but I sure think he is. But really, Ed just doesn't seem terribly hot for Jillian.

I'm telling you, lady. You only want Ed because you will never actually have Ed.

So get over your idiocy, stop being such a stereotype, and run off with Reid already.

Forty Years

It was 40 years ago that people first walked on the moon.

Yes, I remember it well... My mother was pregnant with my older sister, and it was a world of infinite possibility.

Live Blog - The Bachelor - After the Rose Ceremony!

I finished up this week's episode of 24 and turned over to The Bachelor. In my defense, the missus was coming home and asked me to.

In the finale, Jason chose Melissa, and then came out for the post-finale and told the host that he wanted to dump her and get reacquainted with the woman he dumped in the finale! He wants to be with Molly!

If you think that's not worth live-blogging about, you don't know good television.

He's doing it right now! There's no live audience or anything, but he's dumping her on national television in front of Chris Harrison, the host! It's a public dumping!

Oh, and Melissa's not happy. Imagine that. Oh, yeah, she's freaking out. She's pissed he doesn't want to try. Melissa's so angry that Melissa is speaking of Melissa in the third person. "Melissa gets the ring on her finger, but you won't fight for Melissa!"

Damn! She called him a bastard! And I'm not sure she's wrong. This is brutal, and I think she might be right: he is a bastard.

She just gave the ring back. Now, if he's dumping her (and on national television), doesn't she get to keep and sell the ring? I mean, hell. There was something like 170 diamonds on that thing. Keep the ring, woman! Sell the shit out if it!

And the missus agrees: he's a bastard. Oh, poor single dad, you're such a good father who was horribly heart-broken by your ex-wife, and you have the sympathy of everyone in the country. Well, you're losing it all right now, my friend.

I wonder if they sat there in silence during the commercial break. Boy, that must've been awkward.

Jason hates himself, but he's sticking to his guns. The host is finally excusing himself from this god-awful awkwardness, telling Melissa that there's a limo waiting for her (so that's nice), and she told him (Jason, not Chris) to fuck off but in language appropriate for ABC.

Jason's pained. I'm laughing at his pain. Poor bastard.

Melissa's crying in the limo, naturally. She hurts. And she's awfully cynical for a 25-year-old. OK, now she's boring me. She's accepting that there's a lesson even if she can't see it. Look, woman. There's no lesson. Jason's a douchebag and he just fucked you over royally on national television. Ain't no lesson there.

And Chris takes his awkward spot on stage next to Jason again. He's crying. Jason's crying, not Chris. I'm sorry, but he's a total douche. Jason, not Chris. And a little defensive. Poor Chris has to try to sound upbeat as he cuts to commercial: Molly's coming out, right after this! This is probably hardest on him. Chris, not Jason.

Commercials. Jim Perdue was wearing hen slippers.

Molly's about to come back out. Without Jason. She's having her seemingly normal rejectee interview with Chris, as if Jason's not about to ask her back. Clips of "I love you" talk from Molly. She looks a little horrified to be reliving this nonsense.

So now she's gotta go through all that again with Host Chris. She's admitted that she still has feelings for him. Jason, not Chris. Chris is baiting her: You're still in love with him, aren't you? This is just mean.

The show is working on the missus. She likes Molly a lot more than she ever has. Chris is baiting like hell: Have you thought about what if he said he made a mistake? Oh, she's going to be a mess when Jason comes back out. Right after the break!

All the commercials are targeted toward women. I shouldn't be watching this. Well, maybe the waffle breakfast is targeted to people like me.

Molly's about to be joined by the douchebag. She's asking him questions. "When did you know?" that she wasn't the one. They're really milking this. It's getting boring to me; and it must be getting boring to read about.

Now he's telling her. She's confused. She can't believe what she's hearing. She thinks she's being punk'd or something. It's starting to hit her now. She's speechless. Her response is not fake. All she can muster is, "But what about Melissa?" Jason's just admitted that he's in love with Molly. She still doesn't know what to say. She can't say anything...

AND CHRIS CUTS TO COMMERCIAL! It's like the silence was becoming bad television, and he had to cut away.

How does Chris end up in the middle of this drama and awkwardness? Oh, right. He's the host.

And we're back, waiting for Molly's response. Even after a break, she doesn't know what to say. She's confused and wants to talk, but she's also admitted to having the same feelings, and blah blah blah. Of COURSE they're going to give it another shot.

Hm... If they're serious, maybe they should give it a shot... oh, I don't know... off camera?

In the meantime, they're kissing on camera.

Chris: "Guys! America's watching this!"

As if it wasn't before, this is really fucking stupid now. Jason's douchey. There's just no way around it. So when this doesn't work out, he'll really be the biggest douche on the planet.

Chris just said, "It's been an historic journey." You pronounce the H in history, Chris. It's "a historic journey," you pretentious twit. An historic journey? Puh-lease.

Bobby the Page

I saw neither Obama's Not-Quite-the-State-of-the-Union speech last night, nor its rebuttal by Governor Bobby Jindal, but I've glanced around at some of the discussion in the epilogue. Apparently President Barack Obama gives a fine speech. And apparently Bobby Jindal gives one that's a whole lot less than fine.

But one of the ideas that's really taken off today is the Holy-shit!-Bobby-Jindal-is Kenneth-the-Page! comparison.

For those of you who don't watch 30 Rock (which I enjoy from time-to-time), it's Tina Fey's sitcom about a variety show. In the show, Kenneth the Page works for NBC, giving tours and running errands. He's a lovable, naive simpleton, sort of an update of Gomer Pyle.

And I have to admit that the comparisons are uncanny and entertaining. Governor Jindal really does sound like Kenneth the Page. HuffPo has several postings on its website about it, including this one, which links to my favorite of the day, Jindal's face morphing repeatedly into Kenneth's face.

We should probably consider this dead horse beaten now. We liberal snobs are, well, liberal snobs, and making fun of a southern governor because he sounds like the lovable simpleton on a Hollywood/New York City culturally elite sitcom... Well, let's face it: it's a little obnoxious, and it confirms what the Republican Party has been saying about liberals for decades now. We're snobs.

Still, the shit is funny today. Pass the latte, please.

I Can't Even Bitch Right

It figures that when I rail against the Grammy Awards cool people like Robert Plant and Alison Krauss win big.

Stupid Grammy Awards. Stupid me.

Stupid.

Where's the Good Music At?

The Grammy Awards are on television tonight. Is there a less relevant awards show on the planet? I mean, the Emmy Awards lose a lot of credibility for ignoring The Wire for five years, but at least some of the other winners and nominations are related to shows that are, well, good. Milli Vanilli won a Grammy, for crying out loud. They were crap before people knew they were complete fakes.

Even just the idea that the Grammy Awards are on television is getting under my skin today.

Grrrr...

I'm Looking Forward, Too, Buster

So there's this debate going on about whether or not to prosecute the war crimes of the Bush Administration.

Obviously, the danger politically for the Democratic Party is that if they go after the war crimes, they look like vindictive pricks (not that looking like vindictive pricks has ever stopped the Republican Party).

Almost-President Obama, for his part, wants to "look forward" rather than back. Instead of punish the people in the government who broke the law, he seems content to simply reverse their decisions and stop performing those certain actions.

OK, so let's give this Nearly-President Obama fella the benefit of the doubt. Let's assume he won't break the law (through wiretapping, torture, and preemptive wars) at the rate that the outgoing administration has. Let's forget the bad times and keep positive moving forward.

Fine, but I'm looking forward. Let's say I look beyond an Obama Administration. At some point, we'll end up with another overreaching executive branch. And because we didn't hold a previous executive branch accountable for glaring illegalities, this future executive branch will assume that they can get away with anything. Because apparently, the president's office is above the law. I call horseshit on that, bitches.

Hell, man, I think it might be ugly, and I don't doubt that those on the right will scream that we're all vindictive pricks. But sometimes being a vindictive prick is what's necessary to do what's right.

I say we go after the crimes of the outgoing administration. I'd like to think that our government officials follow the law, too.

That goes for Jack Bauer, too.

It's TV Night!

I caught a piece of the classic stop-motion animation of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer this evening, and I don't think it's just nostalgia when I say that it's fucking awesome. It's so dated at this point that it's totally cool. The characters speak way too slowly. The songs are short and catchy. Yukon Cornelius might be the best character name ever. An elf that wants to be a dentist? Come on, people! This is great stuff!

Then the missus and I got sucked into this show in which rich people slum it in some poor community and then give broke do-gooders a boatload of cash. They're giving out life-changing money here, so of course it's sort of moving and powerful.

But part of this staging of reality shows is a bit over-the-top. Why do the rich people have to give out their money while wearing clothing worth thousands of dollars? Why don't they wear the shitty, casual clothing they met these people in? There's something a bit condescending about the exercise.

Don't get me wrong. Giving away a shitload of money is pretty amazing for people who do great work. But it's all sort of stagy, and it really hit home when the rich dude put on his shiny suit right before handing out the cash. That way we know who's really in charge here. Nice work, Fox.

And speaking of Fox, Fox News finally got to ask a question at a President-elect Obama press conference, and I gotta say, the Fox News Reporter totally blew it. He asked about Bill Richardson's beard. That's right: Bill's beard. What this has to do with commerce I have no idea.

Get Your Fucking Head in There! Ooooh! TV!

I'm completely fascinated by this video that's been out and about for a couple of days now. And I'm sure it's all over-linked to and over-commented upon. But I've watched it several times now, and it's really mesmerizing.

Be sure to watch at least until the guy comes back with the second turkey.



The chipper attitude, the Starbucks cup, the "Oh, I'm sure they'll find something to criticize with this interview, too" attitude. It's a video that works on many levels.

But I'd like to give a special shout-out to the cameraman - nay, cinematographer - for his brilliant framing of the shot. And other shout-out to a buddy who gave this video the title, "Turkeys slaughtered in background while English slaughtered in foreground."

Man, I can't wait for Thanksgiving. I love turkey.

Fun with Online Polls

NOW is a program of investigative journalism and probing interviews on PBS. For a lot of years, it was Bill Moyers' baby. I guess you would say it leans to the left politically, except that I'm not sure why accurate, in-depth journalism should be considered left-leaning.

Anyway, NOW is doing this poll, asking viewers if they believe Sarah Palin is ready to be Vice President.

A link to the poll was forwarded to me along with a note about how the Republican Party has launched a successful "all-out blitz" to get the right to vote "yes" in order to win some sort of PR victory. At the time the email was written, Palin was at 62% "yes."

You never know how legitimate these internet conspiracy things are, so rather than follow the link in the email, I went to the NOW homepage myself and found the poll on my own. Turns out it has the same URL as the link in the email. So I voted in the poll, and the left's response appears to be working somewhat: at the time of my writing this she's only 52% "yes" to 46% "no."

Feel free to go help ruin a PBS poll if you like. It's fun and easy!

Meanwhile, another NOW poll has Obama leading McCain 90% to 9% on the topic of who's better qualified to handle the current economic crisis. Why doesn't the Republican Party give a shit about that one?

Republican Convention Watch 2008 - Mitt Romney

Romney's a fucking idiot, and that's about all I can say about this Dickhead. Cock. That's about all I can think when I look at his face. Cock. I'm done with Romney.

I actually think I'd rather find out which of the Top Model girls are bigoted against the transgender contestant.

Yeah, I must really hate Mitt Romney, if I want the missus to turn it back to "America's Next Top Model."

Republican Convention Watch 2008 - Day 3

The night belongs to Sarah Palin! But first, we get to see the parade of Dickheads, including Mitt Romney and Rudy Giuliani. I don't know how much of this I'll be able to take. Romney and Giuliani are exceptionally loathsome. In fact, The Wire arrived from Netflix today, and I may try to convince the missus to join me in watching an episode of that. Somehow it's less depressing.

But the missus insists on flipping to "America's Next Top Model." Jesus, this might make me angrier than the parade of Dickheads. Of all the crappy TV the missus could watch, why does this one grab her? I want to slit my wrists now. Judas Priest, this is fucking tedious. Kill me. Someone, please kill me. I don't feel this suicidal watching the Republican National Convention.

Fuck me. There's a second goddamned hour of this shit.

Could John McCain please come invade my apartment and blow me up?

All Hail Marvin Miller!

As regular B&E readers well know, I loves me some baseball. And even though today the Mets found themselves alone atop the National League East for the first time since April 19th (Let's Go, Mets!), I'm going to give a little shout-out instead to a fella that many people haven't heard of: Marvin Miller.

This weekend, the Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, New York, will be inducting Goose Gossage, the legendary reliever, and everyone will celebrate by eating goose meat deep-fried in goose fat, with a side of French fried goose skin. They'll sleep with their goose down comforters. And maybe they'll goose the bottoms that walk by, for good measure.

So what does all this have to do with Marvin Miller? Nothing, except that he won't be getting inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame.

Marvin Miller probably had more influence on the game of baseball than just about anyone. OK, so Jackie Robinson was a pretty big fucking deal, too, and maybe more influential. But Marvin Miller is right up there with Jackie Robinson, and I say that to praise Marvin.

For without Marvin, there'd be no baseball players' union, no collective bargaining, no free agency, no pensions for ballplayers, no thorns in the sides of all those greedy bastard owners. Like what he did or hate it (and yes, I like it), the man had a powerful influence on Major League Baseball.

So how come he ain't in the Hall? Well, he was almost elected in by the veteran's committee in 2007, receiving 63% of the vote (or 12% short of the required 75%). He was on the ballot again in 2008, and he received only 25%. What happened between 2007 and 2008? Did it become public that he had nothing to do with any of those things after all?

Not exactly, no.

You see, the Hall of Fame board changed the rules. Instead of a group of about 80 former players, executives, and sportswriters voting, the Hall created a committee of twelve to select from among the baseball executives. On that committee sit several of Marvin's enemies, including a few current and former owners who did serious labor battle with Marvin over the years. Shockingly, Marvin got only three votes.

Someone who got ten votes, enough to get elected to the Hall, was Bowie Kuhn, former commissioner of Major League Baseball. Kuhn's famous mostly for having a relatively long tenure as commissioner, and because that term was from 1969 to 1984, he dealt with a lot of baseball labor issues, going head-to-head--and almost always losing--to Marvin Miller.

Sort of how the lack of Emmy Awards for HBO's The Wire says more about the irrelevancy of the Emmy Award than the quality of The Wire, the Hall of Fame embarrasses itself by keeping Marvin Miller out.

For a longer report on the Marvin Miller/Hall of Fame absurdity, read this lovely Nation article, from which I pull this kernel about one of my all-time favorite players:

When he was inducted into the Hall of Fame in 1999, legendary pitcher Nolan Ryan devoted part of his speech to paying tribute to Miller. Ryan reminded the audience that when he broke into the major leagues in 1966, he had to spend the winter months working at a gas station from 3 pm to 9 pm, while [his] wife worked at a local bookstore, to make ends meet.

Thanks to Marvin Miller, that's something that's stopped, which is an enormous relief, because what would we do if Alex Rodriguez had to pump gas instead of running off to hang out and do god-knows-what with Madonna.

Oh, wait...

Seriously, though... Go Marvin!

I'm Totally Glad She Chose Jesse

After what that rotten scoundrel Brad did to her, Deanna totally deserved to fall in love, and I'm so glad she chose Jesse over Jason. Jason is a totally great guy, but Jesse was totally the right choice for Deanna. Deanna totally makes Jesse tingle, and Jesse totally makes Deanna giddy. Jesse's so fun, and Deanna's so free-spirited, and they both have totally awesome bodies. They're totally perfect for each other, and I just know that they're totally gonna be happy for the rest of their lives.

24 - The First Four Episodes

There are spoilers in this post, dear B&E readers. If you watch 24, but have not yet seen the first four episodes of this, Jack's sixth terrible day, I advise you to skip over this post.

What I like about this season so far:

- Milo's back.
- Two men are hot after Chloe.
- Assad is a badass. In fact, add a "B" and mix up the letters and his name is Badass.
- The producers aren't afraid to nuke LA.
- Torture now bothers Jack.
- Shooting a man now makes Jack vomit.
- Actually, Jack's sort of a pussy. Of course it's all relative. Even as a pussy he killed a man while cuffed by biting his jugular.

What I don't like about this season so far:

- Milo's not as interesting as he was in season one.
- After he went to White Castle, Kumar became a terrorist.
- Wayne Palmer is a terrible president.
- Wayne Palmer would've been unelectable in the first place.
- The dude doesn't speak Arabic, but he understands "five visitors"? In how many languages do YOU know "five visitors"?
- The argument made for the necessity of torture is a little too convincing.

And a comment about the death of Curtis at Jack's hand(gun)... Anyone who's seen the show knows that Curtis' time was up. Curtis was too black, too handsome, too bald, too proud. He had already lasted longer than any other black, handsome, bald, proud cast member. President Wayne Palmer might make it through this season, but don't expect survival much beyond.

All Hail Roger!

Since I rejoined the on-site, full-time work force, NY1 has become an important part of the morning routine in my small Queens home. While I used to be able to go pantsless any day of the week, Weather on the 1s now tells me how warm my pants need to be.

NY1 in the mornings is anchored by a seemingly kind Canadian called Pat Kiernan. It's a trip to get the occasional "aboot" on a New York newscast. The highlight of Pat's morning on any given day seems to be when we "find out what's happening in your neighborhood." Often these Around Town reports are hosted by Roger Clark.

It is at this point that the missus and I call out to one another: "Honey, Roger's on!" I'm not quite sure I can pinpoint why we love Roger so, but if you'll indulge me, I'll try.

Roger seems a bit beaten down by life. An optimist who's hit a lot of pessimistic roadblocks. He tempers his sarcastic sense of humor for his reporting, but it bubbles up occasionally. He often says something funny, but since he's on TV, i.e. there's no live audience, when he doesn't get his expected laugh, he sort of shrugs like, "Another joke down the drain. What do you idiots know?" And he's got a nice, boistrous laugh of his own, too.

I think the NY1 news teams busts Roger's balls in the newsroom. I get the feeling that when Roger is assigned to play water polo at a community college in Brooklyn, complete with water polo swimwear and cap, his colleagues paste video stills of his report in his cubicle with funny little sayings. Based on the recent sexual harrassment suit that's being leveled against some of the NY1 folks, those funny little saying probably say something along the lines of "I WAS IN THE POOL! I WAS IN THE POOL!"

Sometimes, like when he's playing water polo, Roger seems desperately unhappy in his job, but at other times, he is genuinely enthusiastic about his subjects. His report on the reopening of the Russian Tea Room offered this gem, quoting Tootsie (as he was sitting in Sydney Pollack's booth): "Michael, I begged you to get some therapy." His report of the Vendies (food vendor awards): "Holy... That spice really sneaks up on you! I'm gonna be feeling that for a few days! Good, though!" A report about the cold (the one cold day we've actually had so far): "I'm the only idiot in the city today that forgot his gloves." A report on the Yankees, after their playoff loss: "I'm a Mets fan, they're still in it, and yet here I am at Yankee Stadium. What gives? Well..."

[Note: my Roger quotes are paraphrasings based on memories of his reports while getting ready for work, but are presented to offer a flavor of his reporting.]

He does serious reports on occasion, too, and while he's a perfectly competent reporter, I hope NY1 continues to give him the choice assignments. Kind Canadian Pat Kiernan likes asking Roger follow-up questions, too, and I think they're friends. Or at least Pat enjoys Roger almost as much as I do, and I'd like to be Roger's friend.

The missus and I love you, Roger. Keep up the good work. And if you're looking for a raise at any point, the missus and I represent the coveted 29 to 34 year old demographic.

MI-3

m:i:III
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

I went to the New York premiere of MI-3 last night, and it was not what I expected. At all.

MI-5 is one of my favorite shows ever, and since this is a prequel, obviously two years before the original takes place, I don't think it was too much to ask that they at least get the stars of the BBC series. Where was Matthew MacFadyen? Where was the dreamiest of all dreams, Keeley Hawes? Michael Ogunkwockomovich? Nowhere to be found. In fact, the role of Danny was being played by a different bald black man, one a lot thicker in the middle than Michael Ogunksgoughshele and with a lesser sense of style.

So, OK, maybe you can rationalize that all those characters were too junior to be in the prequel. Maybe they were still getting their "spook" training or whatever, and that's fine, I guess, but I still expect to see a young Peter Firth and a hot Jenny Agutter lurking about. Nothing.

Instead, they got this total unknown. Tom Something-or-Other, and he was running around like a lunatic chasing some guy that looked like Truman Capote, only with a normal voice. But what was most disturbing was that they didn't even try to do the British accents. It was like Kevin Costner in Robin Hood all over again.

It made for a muddled, confusing film. I mean, what the hell are these American blokes doing in the British secret service, anyway? Very disappointing. When it comes time to do MI-1, MI-2, and MI-4, I hope they'll be a little more faithful to the source material.

Stupid Hollywood.

Lost Reruns Make Me Gay

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Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

Lost can't seem to get its shit together. They've taken more hiatuses (hiati?) this year than Dubya. Last night ABC replayed the pilot, which is particularly strange since so many potential plot points introduced in the first episode have fallen by the wayside.

So instead of watching that, the missus put on American Idol, which featured performances from the final 12 guys. There's this freakazoid named Taylor Hicks who went last. He's a bit schlubby, prematurely gray, and has no real sense of style.

There's a documentary called Fast, Cheap, and Out of Control by Errol Morris that features four people with strange jobs. What they do becomes riveting only because of their passion for, say, naked mole rats. I don't give a shit about naked mole rats, but the dude who works with them is so into them, you can't help but love the freaky things, too.

So most of the singers, even those that were good, were nervous, which in turn made nervousness the dominant emotion of the performances. Not Taylor. The guy is pure music. As soon as he started singing, joy. That was it. Utter bliss. He can really sing, which is a plus, but more than that, the dude was infectious. That he's a schlubby, prematurely gray, no-style motherfucker melts away when he sings.

Go, Taylor Hicks!

24, Starring John McCain

Right, so Senator John McCain had a cameo on this week's episode of 24. McCain has called himself a fan of the show, although he feels its depiction of torture is both unrealistic and gratuitous. And by now, we all know his history of getting tortured in Vietnam. So it's a good thing he turned up in an episode that featured a torture scene. McCain himself, however, was not the torturer.

Gettin' Annoyed

I don't really enjoy watching television. So usually, I've got one or two shows that I watch, and other than that, I do my best to keep the damned idiot box turned off. I hate how I feel after watching television.

Well, this "Lost" show is really starting to get my goat. The first season was solid throughout. The writers were clearly exploring the island, not having any idea about what they would do next. It was fun.

This season, with the exception of the first, every episode has mostly sucked. But then something exciting happens at the end to get me to watch the following week anyway. Forty-five minutes of boredom and irritation, followed by ten minutes of surprise and intrigue.

I feel like I'm one episode from making "Prison Break" the only show I watch. But I've felt like that for about two months now. What's a TV-watcher to do?

A Show I Know Very Little About

I swear I only know about the show at all because my wife rubs my head as she watches, but when is that cheesy-ass blond kid gonna get kicked off "American Idol"?

And I swear I don't enjoy it at all, but that Constantine Marsupial was an overrated, pouty-lipped hack, who couldn't carry a tune, no matter how Paula cried when he got voted off.

And I swear I hardly pay attention, but Bo Bice should win for being an old-school, Duane Allman-type vocalist who clearly knows his soul singers. Plus he's been arrested for both cocaine and weed, so he's, like, rock n' roll through and through.

Suddenly a Guilty Pleasure

24
Originally uploaded by dangunderman.

This is the fourth season of 24 on everyone's favorite network, Fox. I've been enjoying the show pretty much from the beginning. The first two seasons in particular genuinely surprised me on more than one occasion. The action sequences are pretty good for TV, and it's always fun to watch a character go through hell. It feels like Kiefer's whole career has been leading up to having exceptionally bad days, and many of them.

From the beginning, there has been the occasional suspect acting and stilted dialogue. But those things have been relatively easy to ignore for the simple reason that creating a 24-hour story in real time -- and pulling it off -- is a difficult undertaking. There will be minor glitches like weak dialogue and weaker acting.

The show came under fire early this season for its negative stereotypes about the Arab world (the bad guy this year is an Arab terrorist). Over the first three seasons, the show had an African-American president from the Democratic Party. So we're not necessarily talking about a show based in reality. But still, I understood and ultimately overlooked the issue. 24 works largely because it panders to our fears, xenophobic and otherwise.

The show, however, finally pushed my political buttons with this week's episode. A character we (the audience) know is bad news gets arrested. Mastermind bad guy gets him a lawyer from "Amnesty Global." So with the clock ticking its way toward nuclear proliferation, the Counter Terrorist Unit is unable to "extract information" from the suspect. The argument in favor of torture and against his civil liberties was just a little too simple and a little too Bushie. And of course, in this case, getting information out of this baddie is way more important than his stupid civil liberties.

So clearly, all those people in Cuba need to be held indefinitely. Aw, Christ.

I forgot the issue momentarily while I thoroughly enjoyed how Kiefer got around that particular obstacle (he even tazered one of his own men!). But, dammit. Now I have to watch the show through guilt-filtered lenses.