Disingenuous Much?

There's a new tax on the table for consideration in New York - a tax on sugary soft drinks. You know, the ones that are all really, really bad for you and are, probably more than anything, responsible for the obesity epidemic in America.

Like all states, New York's got a budget crisis. And let's face it: everyone's got a health crisis. All of that sugar, high-fructose corn syrup, and especially the fake sweetener is killing us. So yeah, I say tax the shit out of it. Anything that'll encourage people to drink something healthy instead, like, say, water, gets my support.

There are advertisements running in support of, and opposed to, the tax. I see the ones opposed more often, and I've seen two of them. The first was utterly unconvincing. It features the owner of a grocery store supposedly speaking on behalf of his customers who shop on budgets, and how this is "just another way for Albany to reach into our pockets."

I'm fortunate not to have to watch every penny while doing my grocery shopping, but the missus and I have a general budget for the food we buy. If I had only $20 to spend on my weekly groceries, why in the hell would I spend even $1.69 on a two-liter bottle of poison? If the tax dissuades me from buying it, I've got another $1.69 to spend on something that's better for me. I'm not going to pocket the $1.69. I'm almost certainly going to get something else, now that I've got an extra $1.69 in my groceries budget.

In other words, the shop owner will still be getting his money, so what's his fucking problem? (Hm... Smaller markup on healthy items? Maybe...)

The one I've been seeing more recently features a mother complaining about how much more money she'll be paying on soft drinks for her kids. Gee, lady, why don't you buy less of that garbage for the sake of your kids' health?

And of course, the American Beverage Association is the money behind the ads. Well, ABA, I'm not buying your shit any more than I'm buying that shit on the shelves.

Binder & Binder Comments

Comments on the old posts continue. Over a year ago, I had some issues with the cowboy hat worn by a lawyer in a shitty commercial that airs on NY1. Follow the link to the old post if you're interested in reading all of the comments (including one from a former employee! Look out!).

But allow me to draw your attention to one in particular. This week, I received a comment from a fella called Greg, who offered a link to his investigative report on Mr. Binder, Esq. He has conveniently embedded the ad in question, so that you can enjoy the cowboy hat in all its glory. Greg's mom emailed Binder & Binder (awesome), and received a reply to her inquiry about the hat, among other things.

Enjoy the hell out of it, B&E readers, and nice work, Greg, for actually pursuing the information.

And according to Greg, Charles "Cowboy Hat" Binder is bald under that sucker. Nice.

Comments That Make Me Happy

I've had "a week," as people say, so I haven't focused much energy on B&E in the past few days. I still don't have much to say, so let me turn to people who say things in the B&E comments section instead.

For reasons probably having to do with Google, several old posts seem to garner more attention than others and continue to reap the benefits of comments long after they were written.

To my screed against dreadlocks (in relation to their ubiquity in Sweden), I received this comment, from Anonymous (if that is indeed his or her name):

I usually dont comment on blogs, but the sheer stupidity of this post left me with no choices...

Get a life man....seriously..

This one really made me happy. I offer no defense for my stupidity except to say, "Watch your use of ellipses and apostrophes. And your dreadlocks don't look nearly as good as you think they do, Whitey. Shave them."

Some of my posts on the Bad Advertising on NY1 seem to get some late attention, too. Related to my post about Hillside Honda, Anonymous (if that is indeed his or her name - gosh, I wonder if it's the same person as Dreadlocked Whitey above) writes:

Dat's my daughtah Angelah ... she's a beautiful goyl!! Ohhhhh!

What I really wish is that I could hear that last "Ohhhhh!" the way the writer intends it because I'm not sure that my reading of it is what Anonymous had in mind.

Apparently, those Binder & Binder ads are international. Who knew? Well, I know that now (and so do you) thanks to Rossvegas (if that is indeed his name):

Hey, I'm up here in Canada and we get the amazing Binder Lid™ here too. I'm guessing he's hiding a bald dome, because that hat is just WAY too ridiculous to be worn otherwise.

Nice touch on that little TM after "Binder Lid."

Those are just a few of the recent comments inspired by the latest ramblings of B&E.

I'd be remiss if I failed to mention two other things:

First of all, a special shout-out goes to Curt (Bald Bro), if that is indeed his name, for keeping us all informed in the latest of head-shavings from around the country and world.

And finally, I was pleased to learn recently that if you Google "feckless weenies," B&E is the second result. I can live with a silver medal in the "feckless weenie" category. I'd like to thank my mom and dad, my agent, and God.

If I Can Read It, Why Can't I Hear It?

I've got the venerable NY1 on again this morning, and one of the segments was sponsored by Puppetry of the Penis. The screen was yellow with giant black letters spelling out the name of the show, and as the announcer said the name of the show, penis was bleeped out.

Do they not want blind people to know the name of the show?

Yes, of course I realize that it's because small children can't read, and that if they don't hear the word, maybe they won't be aware of the word.

But since when is penis a bad word? It's actually the technical term for one's cock.

Bad Advertising on NY1 - Hillside Honda

OK, so in all fairness to Hillside Honda, I can't actually remember if this is their commercial or not, but I think it is. That I've seen the ad just about every morning for the past six months and can't remember for certain might be a problem in and of itself. Anyway...

A young man and woman (both in their 20s) stand outside Hillside Honda. They do not seem to know each other. The dude holding an umbrella kicks it off with, "Hey! What are you doin'?" with the tone of someone talking to a fucking idiot.

The chick, holding her laptop, explains that she's on HillsideHonda.com, but she's right outside the dealership, so why do that, because the dealership isn't open yet and she can't wait for great deals, and then she's gotta go, and he starts to ask her a question, and she thinks it's gonna be for her phone number, but no, he wants to check out HillsideHonda.com, and she's disappointed.

Alright, so...

The dude's holding an umbrella, so why the hell does the chick have her laptop out? It's raining, woman! Not only will it ruin your laptop, but it must be some sort of fucking electric shock risk. Also, Hillside Honda's in Jamaica, Queens, and unless the dealership has free WiFi, she's not getting a signal on that thing. Plus, neither actor can, well, act. And even if you accept her argument that she's there to pick up the free WiFi and look for great deals, why the hell is the dude at the dealership when it's not open yet? Then of course there's no earthly reason the chick would want the dude to get her number, based on his assholic tone toward her throughout. On the other hand, she would have no earthly reason to expect him to ask for her number when she's fucking stupid enough to look at her laptop in the rain without an umbrella (he's holding the umbrella, remember?).

Yeah, it's a pretty fucking stupid commercial.

Bad Advertising on NY1 - Binder & Binder

I'm not going to get into the details of the poor production quality, shitty graphics, and weak voice over in the low-tech spot for law firm Binder & Binder on NY1. Those issues come with the territory in local advertising. And in some ways, it's an effective ad. It even uses a personal story to demonstrate a larger point (they win Social Security payments for their clients).

Then a lawyer called Binder comes on screen. And he's wearing a cowboy hat.

What's amazing about this is that someone made that decision. Maybe Binder likes his new hat and wanted to showcase it. Maybe Binder is losing his hair and needed to cover his plugs during the only time of year the firm had the budget to produce a TV spot. Maybe someone thought a cowboy hat would say "America." Who knows? But someone made this disastrous decision.

I'm not hiring a lawyer who wears a ten-gallon cowboy hat on a TV spot that airs on a local New York City news station. Neurons are misfiring somewhere here.

Good Message; Too Bad About the Messenger

At my job, we do work with nonprofits. So we keep our eye on things related to nonprofit awareness, fundraising, advocacy, etc. So someone came across the pictured ad for Dutch Cordaid: People in Need.

Pretty effective, no? Instead of buying that extra pair of sunglasses you want but don't need, why not donate much less to help feed a hungry person? It's a good campaign, and it works. There are also versions that feature beer, a handbag, and aftershave.

The campaign was created by Saatchi & Saatchi, and they won a prestigious advertising award for it. Well done.

It is perhaps unfair to pick on Saatchi because, after all, they do a fair amount of work for good causes at, what I hope is, bargain basement rates or no fees.

But please, Saatchi & Saatchi. You sell shit to us we don't need. It's a little tough to take this message from you. I'm sure Cordaid is pleased with the work. But it's seriously hypocritical.

And I'm assuming that the ads don't feature products from your other clients. Because that would be bad business, not to mention a real dick move.

Saatchi & Saatchi: Making you feel bad for the desire we create.

Diversity Reminiscent of Offensive Jokes

Local advertisers understand that we've got ourselves a melting pot here in New York City, so portraying diversity in local ads proves a sensitivity to our many cultures. Or perhaps local industry just knows that they have many target audiences from which to take money.

Large companies will create individual ad campaigns targeted toward the different markets. But what do you do if your budget only allows for the creation of only one campaign or even only one ad?

Easy! You shove as much diversity into that ad as possible!

A pattern is emerging on NY1, everyone's favorite local news station. You get three people. A white dude, an Asian woman, and a black dude. Show them enjoying your product in perfect harmony. Done.

The white dude is sometimes a white woman, if more women use the product than men.

A white dude, an Asian girl, and a black guy are watching TV... A white girl, an Asian chick, and a black dude are going shopping...

Keep an eye out for this pattern, B&E readers, and ask yourself: where are the Latinos at?

The AP Is Very Pleased With Itself

So as you've probably heard, Paris Hilton responded to the John McCain "celebrity" ad with an ad of her own. It's not bad.

The Associated Press has reported on the development of course and offer us this exceptionally clever headline:

Paris Hilton issues tart rebuttal to McCain ad

Tart! Get it? See? It's Paris Hilton! Tart!

Looks like someone at the AP has graduated from middle school!

Bad Advertising on NY1 - The Grand Prospect Hall

The TV spot for The Grand Prospect Hall is really difficult to describe, which is really the only reason I haven't yet tackled it. And then it disappeared from the NY1 airwaves.

Well, it's been back with a vengeance this week, with a new version that's really just a "turd polish" (official industry term used by editors) of the version I grew to love. And thanks to YouTube, I can let it speak for itself (the version I first saw, that is).



It's great stuff. From the Klassy banquet hall to the Vivaldi music, from the poor production quality to the stiff-armed, monotone shouting at the end... I love everything about this ad.

And in my search for this version, I also came upon the classic (is it the original??) spot from 1986. They were so young! And just as Klassy...



I can't believe the missus and I didn't get hitched there. We're such idiots!

Bad Advertising on NY1 - NY1

Any TV channel does its share of self-promotion. When I'm watching Major League Baseball's Game-of-the-Week on Fox, they do everything they can to convince me that I'm missing out on an amazing program called "Bones."

So naturally, NY1 promotes its other programs: Inside City Hall, On Stage, The Call, and more.

But NY1 also does a little something that I haven't seen on any other channel. NY1 does advertising about its advertising.

They're short little spots, man-on-the-street interviews with New Yorkers who like their bus ads. The bus ads are nothing but the blue NY1 logo on a yellow background with black type. They feature one of three headlines: Congestion Free; Alternate-Side Talking; or No Trans Fat.

Enthusiasm from the New Yorkers-on-the-street varies somewhat. A couple people say the right things (to appear on the ad), but seem genuinely confused. One person says, "I'm gonna look for the whole set!" which is really too bad.

Some might call advertising about advertising fresh or out-of-the-box thinking or "totally meta." I call it stupid and curiously narcissistic.

Bad Advertising on NY1 - Barilla Plus

I had intended my semi-regular commentary on the bad advertising on NY1 to consist primarily of the poor quality, locally created gems, such as the Koeppel Auto spot starring Jackie Mason (which thankfully now seems to be out of rotation).

But let's turn our attention to a spot with a bigger budget, clearly created by a real advertising agency working on a real brand. It's an advertisement for Barilla Plus pasta.

An attractive blond woman arrives to visit her attractive blond sister in a Tuscan villa. The attractive blond sister's two children are playing with an absurdly attractive (and blindfolded) Italian local. The attractive blond sister says that the kids just love the absurdly attractive (and blindfolded) man, when the absurdly attractive (and blindfolded) man whips off his blindfold and shares an immediate connection with the attractive blond woman. Big smile. Big dimples.

Cut to the kitchen, where the attractive blond sister prepares a healthy meal with Barilla Plus pasta, which is somehow fortified with protein or flax seed or cod liver oil or some shit. The attractive blond woman says to her attractive blond sister, "You're such a good mom." The attractive blond sister says, "Like I need your fucking validation, bitch." Which is a surprising response in an ad that runs first thing in the morning.

No, of course that last part doesn't happen. But I wish it would.

Cut to the dinner table where the attractive blond woman, the attractive blond sister, two kids, and absurdly attractive (no longer blindfolded) man enjoy a delicious meal of Barilla Plus pasta. Attractive blond woman says, "It's perfect." The absurdly attractive (no longer blindfolded man) says, "Si. Perfecto."

And... scene.

But did I mention the music? I don't know for sure, but it sounds like one of those sappy operatic love numbers sung by that Italian singer who's largely famous for being a blind man who can carry a tune.

From what I gather, Barilla Plus pasta is positioning itself as the lover's pasta, the hot blonds in Italy pasta, or perhaps the pimp out your sister pasta. The father of those kids is totally absent from the ad, so maybe it's the pasta of single motherhood or the pasta of absent fathers.

Either way, it's a stupid fucking ad, and I'd love to know how this pitch meeting went down without someone getting laughed out of the room. Or without goons popping out of the center of the conference room table, gunning down the agency jackasses in a reenactment of the St. Valentine's Day massacre, with the two surviving agency members going into hiding as women in a traveling ladies jazz band.

[UPDATE, UPON ANOTHER VIEWING]
It appears there's a dad in that spot after all. He's just far in the background. So I guess he's more emotionally than physically absent.

Bad Advertising on NY1 - Koeppel Auto

We're a NY1 house in the morning. Local news. Weather reports every ten minutes. It's oddly compelling. When I first discovered NY1, oh so many years ago, I found it immediately comforting. New York TV's local ads are just as bad, if not worse, than local ads outside New York.

These ads are difficult to find online, so you'll just have to deal with a description.

Jackie Mason is a comedian popular with a certain subset of the New York population, or dare I call them, old Jews. I'm fairly certain that Jackie Mason's never actually made me laugh (but then I'm not old or Jewish), so he lives in my consciousness among "comedians who don't make me laugh." Dane Cook has lived at the top of that list for a couple of years.

Anyway, it's not so much that Jackie Mason's not funny to me that makes this such a terrible ad. It runs thusly:

Mr. Koeppel (from Koeppel Auto) approaches Jackie Mason, "wowed" that Jackie Mason's in his dealership. Koeppel offers an exchange: a car for two tickets to Jackie Mason's latest show. Jackie is at first thrilled, then offended, that someone would deem his show to be the same value as a car (I don't know if Koeppel sells new or used cars). Mr. Koeppel ups the offer with a pastrami sandwich and a pickle. They have a deal.

End of commercial. That's it.

No, I don't know what's in it for me, the potential customer. I don't understand the partnership. Mr. Koeppel comes off as less wowed or thrilled and more nervous and sweaty. Jackie Mason looks like he's got a half hour blocked out to do this shit, so let's get it over and done with.

And either Jackie Mason refused to do whatever the original script was, or Mr. Koeppel was so happy to have Jackie Mason agree to do an ad for him that he gave Jackie carte blanche. Probably even more likely is that Jackie Mason showed up, they improvised ten takes or so of slightly varying approaches, and then some editor was left to cobble together whatever made the most sense.

It's a bad ad. But at least it runs several times every morning.