Stand By Your Comments, Senator!

As I mentioned in a previous post, Senator Harry Reid agrees with me when I say that tourists stink.

Well, now he's backing away from his comments.

No! NO! Senator Reid, tourists stink. I've experienced it myself. It's the truth and sometimes the truth hurts. We're in a recession; it doesn't make it any less true just because you politicians won't say so. The same holds true for the funkiness of tourists. (And obviously I mean funk in the stinky sense of the word, not in the Sly Stone sense.)

Stand your ground, Senator. It's Democratic polticians' cowardice, wishy-washiness, fecklessness, and flip-floppery that makes the public hate the Democratic Party.

Tourists stink. And it's about time we have a leader who's not afraid to take a bold stance on the issue. That could be you, Mr. Majority Leader. Don't let the people down. Especially the stinky ones.

See? Tourists Stink!

Not so long ago, I wrote a little ditty about how tourists stink. I also managed to offend a friend who happened to be visiting right before I wrote it, even though I really wasn't referring to her. Although she does smoke. But really, she's not smelly. Except when she's blowing smoke in my face. Which she really didn't do at all.

Boy, I'm a good friend.

Anyway, I'm not the only person who thinks that tourists stink. Upon the opening of the newly air-conditioned Capitol Visitor Center, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid said that in the old Visitor Center, you could "literally smell the tourists coming into the Capitol." He's confident that it's a problem that will be solved now.

Don't be too sure, Senator. After all, I'm smelling tourists on the Brooklyn Bridge, which is outside, often with high winds, and it doesn't seem to make a difference. Tourists stink.

And lest you think I absolve myself from this problem, I am occasionally a tourist as well. I'm sure I stink. I'm on vacation, and I'm there to relax and see the sites. Sometimes a shower just isn't a priority.

So yes, Senator Reid, tourists stink. And I know that Washington is all about Hope and Change these days, but beware: tourists will stink with or without air-conditioning in the Capitol Visitor Center.

Tourists Stink

With my outer-borough lifestyle (living in Queens, working in Brooklyn), I'm not one of those New Yorkers that gets annoyed at the tourists. In fact, I'm fairly convinced that it's because of rich foreigners that New York hasn't seen the brunt of the recession the rest of the country feels (and that we'll now feel with the tanking of Wall Street).

So tourists? No, I don't think they stink in the "stop staring upward and keep moving along the sidewalk" way.

I mean they literally stink.

I cross paths with the tourists nearly every evening on my walk across the Brooklyn Bridge to get the subway home. And those hot, summer walks... well, let's just say that most of the people I walked by gave off the distinct aroma of someone who's been in the hot sun all day.

This body odor thing was something I thought would taper off as the weather cooled, but yesterday evening I noticed more nuance to the stank.

First of all the BO persists. And I'm smelling my own armpits up close, so I'm fairly certain it's not me. It's certain sweaty men (mostly, but not solely men) who are overdressed or somehow unprepared for the hot weather. That, or they just don't believe in deodorant, showers, or both.

Secondly, there's nothing Brooklyn Bridge walkers appreciate more than a tasty cigarette while strolling. Now, in fairness, some of these smokers could be locals. But I walk the Bridge a lot, and there's a big difference between the commuters and the tourists. Largely, the smokers are tourists. You might be surprised to hear that they're often French.

Finally, today, a new phenomenon. I don't know if it was because there was less breeze today or what, but the perfume was so stinky from a half dozen or so different ladies that it was almost deafening.

So tourists, a modest proposal... Come to New York and use your hotel showers. Spend your money at a Duane Reade and get yourselves some deodorant. If you're not used to deodorant, the Tom's of Maine brand is quite mild and comes in delicious flavors.

And ease up on the eau de toilette, eh?